Lives We Live

Are not our own.

I ache tonight with pains of mental and physical confusion. The physical aspect is derived from an event earlier this morning that has forever scarred my heart. Though there is pain in my heart, the actual pain is in my foot. My previously broken, surprisingly healed very well, "bad foot" was misused today by myself upon my entrance into the pool. I am not certain of any permanent damage that may have been incurred, but I am certain of the excruciating throbs it currently has. A soak and ace bandage (and of course many many prayers) is the remedy for the night. Should this not work, I fear the need for reinstating my "gimpness" with the use of my cane.

Mentally my mind wanders into the "could have been," "should have done," "wish I had," and "glad I didn't" mode at full speed, triggered by the slightest of events that last a blink of an eye. I know you all have been there. It is not until the even is over that you start questioning what really happened or doubt what should have happened. You know none of it is in your control, and what happened, happened for a reason. Should the events have happened any differently, the past, present, and future would be permanently changed. So why then does it eat at us like it does? Are the questions we ponder (the could, should, wish and glad) the contributors to learning from the past? If we were to not ponder these questions, would we learn from our actions at all?

The lives we live are not our own. I trust my Maker, who is in control of my life and to whom my life belongs. But if I must keep asking these questions, (for my own selfish desires or out of my own naivety) I pray that I am able to accept the answers that are given and be satisfied when the answers are not given.